The Butterfly Effect: Gone Baby, Gone
by babybensler
Summary: Sequel to "The Butterfly Effect"... It's 3 years later and Olivia and Elliot are finally gearing up to walk down the aisle. Life seems easier with Elliot working for the Bureau, and Olivia becoming a rape crisis counselor. They're finally able to see their kids growing up. However, a client of Olivia's begins to cross one too many boundary lines. What happens when she goes too far?
1. new beginnings

**a/n - here is the first chapter of the sequel to "The Butterfly Effect"! Super excited to start this. I know I said I would finish Dear Mom first, but I can't get writing for this story out of my head lol. I'm super busy with classes this semester, but I'm going to try my hardest to update once a week!**

 **Saturday, May 14**

 **(3 years later)**

Everyday was another day closer to their big day, and today marked the halfway point. It had taken them this long to finally settle down and plan the big day, and finally they were set on a date, time, and place. In less than 3 months Olivia would finally get to say those magical words at the altar in front of all their closest friends and family. They had been put through the ringer since that first year of their engagement, but here they were still standing firm.

Tonight was one she was looking forward to the most, their engagement party. They know it's a little late considering how long ago they had gotten engaged, but now seemed like a more perfect time than ever. Mason and Cecilia were going to be staying with Kathleen and Maureen tonight at the apartment they shared, and Elliot would finally be all hers tonight. Two rambunctious kids who were only 4 and 3 years old, left little time for her and Elliot to have alone.

"Where did you get this?" Elliot stood behind her in the mirror as she put the finishing touches on her outfit. She wore a black silk romper with long sleeves, and a low v-neck opening that showcased her ample breasts. It was paired with strappy black heels that put her at eye level with him, and her hair that was still kept long with Elliot in mind, was straightened down her back. Her makeup was simple with only a dash of foundation and mascara, but it was the blood red lipstick she wore that drove him crazy.

"I picked it up last weekend when I went shopping with the girls. I assume you like it?" she smirked in the mirror as she looked at him.

"I love it," he kissed her right below her ear, and ran his hands along the outside of her thighs, her skin like silk when he touched her. Once he got to the hem of her romper he let his fingers continue to roam until he got to that sweet spot covered in lace. She gasped at his touch and placed her hand over his to stop him from going any further.

"The kids are down the hallway," she warned him.

"A little bit of risky foreplay never hurt anybody."

"But what's the point in starting something we can't finish right away?"

"Touche," he released her from his hold and kissed her cheek before distancing himself and sitting on the edge of the bed. Those familiar tiny steps came down the hallway and Olivia shot him a look of "I told you so". He rolled his eyes and scrubbed his hand down his face.

"MOOOMMMMMY!" Mason whined when he bursted into their room already dressed in his Spider-Man onesie. He ran over to his mother and lifted his hands, demanding to be in her arms. She complied of course and hugged him tight while he cried into her shoulder.

"What's wrong my love?"

"Cece won't share!" he shrieked when he pulled back to look at his mother. His hazel eyes filled with more tears and he cried again, ultimately upset.

"Cecilia Grace!" Elliot called after her and soon enough he heard her coming down the hall. "Come here young lady," she came over to where he sat on the bed and stood in front of him. The guilt was written all over her face. "What did we say about being nice to your brother?"

"Daddy, he was askin' to play with all've my toys! He has his own toys!" the sassy four year old stood with her arms crossed and a pout on her face.

"Why can't you share a few with Mason?"

"Because they're _my_ toys."

"Cecilia.." Olivia warned. "If you don't learn to be nice to your brother, I'll make sure you go to bed early tonight. No movies with your sisters."

"What do you need to say to Mason?" Cecilia stood with her head bowed down. "Cecilia!"

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"I can't hear you," Elliot said.

"I'm sorry Mason, for being mean," she held her arms out and Mason wriggled out of Olivia's arms to give her a hug. And like that everything was back to normal. The two little ones went running back to their playroom, and Olivia shook her head and laughed.

"That girl is sassy isn't she?"

"Yeah. Just like you _and_ Alex."

"Oh whatever!" she went to push his shoulder but he caught her hand and pulled her onto his lap. "Ah!" she yelped and laughed so loud, it was music to his ears. "Just what do you think you're doing?" she protested when she felt his hands move to grip a hold on her ass.

"Nothing," he kissed down her neck and across her chest, ignoring her.

"We can't be late to our own party," she placed her hand on either side of his head and pulled him back. "Trust me...as much as I would like to spend the rest of the night in this bed with you," she rose from his lap and straightened out her clothes. "I spent a lot of time planning this night, and I plan on enjoying it," she winked and went to get the kids ready to leave.

The same bar that they spent so many nights together at after a hard case or a long week, was the same place they decided to hold their engagement party. Neither of them wanted anything big or fancy, just a night full of drinks and fun with their friends. There was an open bar, plenty of lights and decorations hanging, and a large banner that read "Soon to Be Mr. & Mrs. Stabler". It was the first time Olivia had seen the banner in person, and it made her heart flutter a million times seeing her new last name so big and bold like that.

All of their friends from the precinct had made it, along with their new found friends they had made through their new professions. Olivia shockingly enough had made a few friends who also had kids after officially becoming a rape crisis counselor this past year. And Elliot had a few buddies from D.C he had become great friends with too. The bar was completely theirs tonight and she couldn't be more happy to spend her Saturday night here.

"Excuse me everyone, if I could have your attention?" a familiar voice over the loudspeaker filled the room. Olivia looked up from the large table she sat at with Elliot and some of their bridal party, in the center of the bar. "I just wanted to give a quick speech if that's alright?" it was Cragen of all people who stood at the small stage the DJ had setup. The crowd of people cheered for him to continue.

"Olivia and Elliot, some of the best detectives I've ever had on my team. Now don't get me wrong, they drove me nuts with the bickering and constantly undermining my orders. But they knew how to bust a perp at the drop of a dime," he paused a moment and looked directly at Olivia. "Olivia...I'm incredibly honored that you chose me to walk you down the aisle. You really have been like the daughter I never had. I wish nothing but the best for you two, congratulations!" he held up his glass of club soda and toasted to their engagement. The entire room joined in and cheered for them too. The music started again and Don made his way to give hugs to both Olivia and Elliot.

"Thank you for everything," Olivia said in regards to everything he had done for not only her, but Elliot too over the past year.

"You call me for anything and I'll be there," he hugged her one more time and nodded in Elliot's direction before going to converse with the others.

"Liv, come take a shot!" Casey yelled from the bar. She looked over at Elliot and he motioned for her to go spend some time with her girls. This day was about her more than anything.

"Goodness, I haven't taken a shot and partied like this in how long?" she reached the bar and held the 35% poison in her hand.

"Since you decided to go have the perfect kids, find the love of your life, and leave us all jealous!" Casey jabbed playfully at her, and by the looks of it she was already on her way to being drunk as hell.

"I can't even attest to that," she laughed.

"TO THE FUTURE MRS. STABLER!" Casey shouted and everyone repeated it back. Olivia threw the shot back and everyone encouraged her. Her face twisted as the liquid burned her throat, and she bit down on the lime Casey handed to her.

"God, that's awful!"

"Too bad, we're getting you drunk tonight!"

"No no no, I have two little ones who are going to need me tomorrow," she rejected the next shot Casey attempted to hand her.

"Nope! This is your night to finally have fun, worry about tomorrow well- tomorrow!" she chuckled. Olivia looked over at Elliot who was amused and he nodded for her to go ahead and take the next shot. She shook her head and downed the next one, already regretting her decision. "Atta girl!"

"Get me another one please," Olivia called to the bartender, and he wasted no time getting her another.

"Whoa, now we're talking!" Casey said.

"No, this isn't for me," she moved from the bar and back to where Elliot still sat watching her. "If I've got to deal with a raging hangover tomorrow, so do you," she handed the drink to Elliot and smirked. He took the shot without question, willing to play the game she was offering.

"Remember when you said don't start something you can't finish? I'm gonna hold you to that," he pulled her closer to him and kissed her lovingly. He held both sides of her face gently and threaded the tips of his fingers through her hair.

"Let's go dance," she pulled away flushed and pecked his lips one more time before dragging him to the dance floor.

Hours had passed and it was nearing midnight. Although this was their party, Olivia felt herself ready to go home. Not because she was tired, but because she couldn't stand keeping her hands to herself for one more minute. She didn't know if it was the tequila shots, or his choice of tighter fitting jeans but the burn in her lower belly didn't care. She just needed some relief that involved being underneath him, and a heavenly ache between her legs in the morning.

He was busy playing a round of pool with Fin, Nick, and one of his newest friends Jason. She watched him as they finished up their game, and laughed as he drunkenly walked his way over to her. He maneuvered himself between her legs where she sat on a stool at the bar. His hands slid from the tops of her thighs to her waist, and he pulled her body closer to the edge. She threw her head back and pouted her lips for him to kiss her. He wasted no time in capturing her lips, nipping lightly on her bottom lip as she welcomed his tongue that had been begging for entry.

"Save it for the honeymoon!" Munch yelled from the pool table. Olivia pulled back and laughed loudly.

"Shut up!" Olivia yelled back and pulled Elliot closer by the belt loops on his jeans. "If you don't get me out of here and under you, I'm gonna have to take you to the back and punish you," she said softly in his ear, and she swore she heard a moan escape from him.

"I might have to take the latter," he growled back and pulled her away from the bar quickly before anyone noticed they were leaving. He pulled her into the hallway leading to the bathrooms and pinned her against the wall. They were both a little drunk and frisky as hell, which was a dangerous combination.

"Someone is gonna-" her words were cut short when he claimed her lips all over again. His hand cradled the back of her neck as the other held the small of her back flush against him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled the bulge in his pants closer to her center.

"Mmm," she moaned when his hand slid down her thigh and back up until it slipped under the silk of her romper. "Take me home…" he looked down at her and in record time dragged her through the backdoor that he knew led to the street. It took him only a few moments to hail a cab and he had never been more grateful to not live too far from the bar. They both stole glances at one another on the drive there, anxious to just get through the front door.

As soon as the driver pulled to the curb, neither of them wasted any time getting out of the cab. Elliot threw him some cash and quickly caught up with Olivia as she walked up the driveway of their house. She was already entering the code to the garage when Elliot came up behind her, and wrapped his arm around her body. His mouth placed hot kisses along her neck and she was barely able to key in the code with him on her like that. When the white door began lifting he scooped her up into his arms and carried her the rest of the way into the house.

He carried her down the small hallway that led to the kitchen, and sat her on the counter. Elliot placed his hands on her thighs and pulled them further apart, and nestled himself between them. He looked at her, heavily breathing and all as she waited for the satisfaction of having him between her legs. "I could come just looking at you right now," he leaned in closer until their noses were touching. "You.." he pushed her top off of her shoulders and kissed her. "..are so.." he tugged it down to her hips. "..beautiful…" he kissed her again and she lifted her hips just enough for him to drop the romper she wore to the floor.

"You know when we got this island installed, I didn't think this was what it would be used for," she grabbed ahold of his hand that rested on the counter, and slid his fingers into the lace underwear she wore. She bit down on her lip when she felt the tips of his fingers tease her.

He moved his hand to cradle her neck and gently laid her down on the cool marble. Her hair fanned out around her face and her eyes were low as she watched him work the belt buckle on his jeans. His pants dropped to his ankles and he began to stroke himself as he began to align himself with her entrance. He moved the lace of her underwear to the side. She lifted her hips in anticipation and gasped when she felt the heavenly intrusion. Her body gripped onto him like a vice when he filled her completely. He grabbed ahold of her hips and leaned over her body to kiss her intensely.

"I want you…" she coaxed him to move, craving him more and more. She didn't need for him to be gentle with her, and he caught on quickly as he began fucking her. Her breasts bounced each time and bucked into her, and he leaned down to take one in his mouth. She practically screamed at the sensation of him all over her like this.

"Yesss," she moaned as he held onto her hips tightly. "Come inside me," the feel of him inside her felt like nirvana, and she needed her release.

Her words were his undoing and he held her to him as he came inside her, pumping every last drop inside of her. He pulled out of her and triggered her orgasm. The sounds that left her body had him ready for round two already.

She laid on the counter with her arm thrown over her face, barely moving an inch. "Was I too rough?" Elliot became concerned at her quietness.

"No," she chuckled. "Not at all. You don't know much I needed that," she sat up on her elbows. "We left our own engagement party to fuck on our kitchen counter," she laughed loudly.

"Everyone's drunk. I doubt they'll notice we even left," he moved in to kiss her, suckling on her bottom lip. "Plus, this was worth so much more," he smirked.

"I love you," she said. Her arms wrapped his neck and she bit down on her bottom lip. Satisfied more than ever.

"I love you too," he kissed her again. "Let's go shower," he helped her hop off the counter and couldn't help the laugh that escaped when she stumbled. "Need some help?"

"Oh don't flatter yourself," she picked up her romper that was on the floor and headed up the stairs.

 **Sunday, May 15**

The next morning she woke up with the oh so familiar ache between her legs when she stretched. She looked over next to her and couldn't hide the smile that formed when she seen Elliot still sleeping. The clock read 10:30 am and it was the latest she had slept in in years since Cecilia was born. She rolled out of bed and went to shower quickly before sliding on a fresh pair of underwear and a tank top, before going downstairs to start a late breakfast. Olivia felt it was only right to cook their favorite: pancakes. She threw a few pieces of bacon in the oven, and went to find her phone to check on the kids.

Not surprised that the kids were having a blast at their sister's house, she felt relieved when the girls said they would bring the kids home just in time for bed. Olivia loved their kids more than life itself, but this time alone with Elliot was definitely needed. She went to check on the food when she felt familiar hands wrap around her waist.

"Good morning," Elliot planted kisses along her neck and jawline as she stood in front of the stove.

"Good morning indeed," she turned her head the slightest to kiss him. "I made breakfast. All we need is a little coffee."

"I can't believe I woke up to my fiance cooking in the kitchen half naked," he ran his hands from her waist and down her thighs.

"Well don't get used to it. The other day Cecilia asked me 'why my tummy was so squishy?'" she couldn't help but chuckle. Kids were so honest, especially her little one. "So I won't be parading around like this anytime soon."

"That Cecilia is a blunt one, isn't she?" he kissed her temple and went to start the coffee maker.

"Yeah, she is," she began fixing plates for the both of them. "I can't believe she'll be going to school in the fall. She's not a baby anyone."

"You know I was thinking that maybe after the wedding we could try again for another baby?" he hesitated asking. Things had been going so smoothly between them the past few months, he didn't want to do anything to ruin that.

Her body stiffened at his question for only a moment before she continued. "Elliot, I don't know about that…" she grabbed the plates and moved them over to the breakfast bar.

"It's been over a year since-"

"I know," she cut him off sharply. "But it's not that easy to just put my body through that again. I don't think I can handle going through loss again," Elliot joined her with two cups of coffee, moving his chair closer to hers.

"I'm sorry for asking, Liv. I know how hard it's been for you."

"Trust me. Nothing would make me happier than to try again, but I just want to make sure I'm ready for all the highs and the lows," she reached to grab his hand that rested on his knee. "I'm sorry," her voice cracked the slightest.

"No no no, don't you ever feel the need to apologize, okay?" he leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Whenever you're ready. Whether that be a month from now or another year from now," he felt awful for bringing it up at all. "How about we eat this amazing breakfast you made for us, and then go for a walk in the park?"

"I'd love that."

 **What do you think of Olivia and Elliot 3 years later?**


	2. a night out

**Saturday, July 15**

"You look pretty mommy," Cecilia sat on the floor of her parents room playing with her new set of blocks.

"Aw, thank you baby love," she bent over to scoop up her daughter and kissed her cheeks. "I told sissy if you eat all your veggies tonight, you could have a little ice cream," she smoothed her blonde curls out of her face. Cecilia giggled with glee, overall excited to have her big sister watching her tonight.

Both Elliot and Olivia were going out tonight for their bachelor/bachelorette parties. Neither of them had a desire to have one, but of course it was their friends who encouraged a last hoorah for the both of them. They agreed there would be no big trips to Vegas, just a fun night out in the city. After the engagement party just last month, Olivia wasn't sure that she would be able to keep up tonight. She made a promise to herself to be in bed by midnight tonight, and to spend some quality time with the kids tomorrow.

"Hey Cece!" Elizabeth popped her head in the room. "You ready to have some fun tonight? Dickie and Eli are coming over too," she took her from Olivia's arms and hugged her little sister tight.

"Mmhmm. 'Member mommy says I can have ice cream if I eat some of my veggies tonight!"

"I said all of your veggies, and a little bit of ice cream, love," she corrected her, knowing that Cecilia was sneaky in that way. "Why don't you go show sissy your the new books you got from the library?" Cecilia wiggled from her sisters arms excitedly.

"Let's go Lizabeth!" she tugged on Elizabeth's hands and pulled her towards the hallway.

"Come get us before you leave!" she yelped before she disappeared down the hallway. Olivia laughed and went to pick out a pair of shoes for tonight. She knew flats were a better option, but heels would look killer with her outfit. She wore fitted black jeans paired with a flowy black tank top and a chain necklace that held the promise ring, Elliot, had given her 4 four years back.

"Jason and Aaron are here for me already," Elliot appeared at the door dressed and ready to go. He was dressed in his predictable wear, jeans and a buttoned up shirt, but he still looked sexy as hell to her.

"Okay," she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'll see you later tonight I hope?"

"You will but hopefully in a little less clothing," he kissed her softly for just a second before pulling away. "I love you. Call me if you need anything tonight, and be safe," he knew she was more than capable of taking care of herself; but Olivia, alcohol, and a girl's night could be a risky sequence.

"And the same goes for you," she kissed his cheek. "Love you too," she removed her arms from around his neck. "You better get going," he smiled small and gave her one last kiss before heading downstairs and out the door.

"You're telling me you don't regret leaving the 1-6 one bit?" Casey sat at the VIP section she managed to snag for them tonight, nursing yet another fruity cocktail. The time was a little past midnight, and Olivia found herself sighing internally as she realized her rules for the night were already being broken.

"Regret it? Not one bit, but I do miss it from time to time," she took a sip from her wine glass. "But then I look at those gorgeous little angels every morning, and I realize this is exactly where I'm supposed to be."

"Ugh, you truly make me sick," Casey rolled her eyes and popped an hors d'oeuvre into her mouth. "Four years later and I'm still going on first dates, meanwhile you're about to marry the man of your dreams."

"Oh please Casey, you won't hardly give any man a chance," Melinda butted in which made everyone around them laugh. It wasn't a secret that Casey was a hard one to catch.

"You know who I wouldn't mind giving a chance? That one friend of Elliot's who was at the engagement party. Tall with dark hair and piercing eyes…"

"Victor?" Olivia said mischievously.

"Don't get any ideas!" Casey scolded her.

"Please Cas? He's single and around our age," she begged.

"Liv, no! I think I can handle this on my own," Casey reached for the champagne and refilled Olivia's glass. "Tonight is about you, not my shitty dating life."

"As much as I would love another one, I promised myself that I wasn't getting drunk tonight. And actually I need to get home. The girls are with the kids and I don't want them having to-"

"Oh shove those excuses right down the toilet. This is your bachelorette party!" Mia, Olivia's friend from work butted in. She reminded her of Casey when they first met, and now she's starting to wonder if that's a good thing.

"No, Mason and Cecilia are such a handful in the mornings. A hangover is the last thing I need," Olivia shook her head and waved at the cocktail waitress a few feet away from them to come help her.

"Can I help you?" the twenty something blonde came over to their section,

"Yes, can we get another bottle of champagne, and tequila shots," Casey told her. "You're staying out, we're getting you drunk, and then you'll spend the night at my apartment. There's no way the girls expected either of you to be home tonight." Olivia groaned, hating how easily she always gave in to Casey and her antics. It wasn't that she didn't want to be out and have a girls night, she just couldn't help the guilt of being away from her babies.

"I hate when you do this," reluctantly she grabbed she glass of champagne and sat back in her seat.

"Obviously not," she nodded towards the glass in her hand. "Just give us this one night, and then I promise I'll get you home in time tomorrow to play Suzy homemaker."

"Fuck you, Casey," Olivia punched back and caused a roar of laughter from everyone.

"C'mon. Let's get you a shot and out on the dance floor," Melinda tried to lighten the mood and pulled on Olivia to bring her towards the dance floor below them.

The music is blaring through the speakers as the few rounds of tequila shots Olivia has taken begin to settle in. She's on the dance floor, mashed between Casey and Mia as they bump and grind to the music. The lights flash in every direction and she begins to wonder at what point in the night did she slip up and end up this intoxicated. As regretful as she knew she would be in the morning, Olivia had to admit she was glad to finally have a girls night that didn't end early.

"No no no Casey, no more!," Olivia protested when she seen another shot coming towards the direction of her mouth. Yes, drinking carelessly tonight had been fun but she knew now was the time to draw the line before she ended up passed out under a table.

"Just onneeee teeny weeny shot Liv," Casey slurred as she held shot of, only god knows what, in her hand.

"You said that last time and now look at me," she yelled over the music, referring to her drunken state right now. "If I take another shot I'm going to be sick!" she pushed the tiny glass away and reached for her phone she felt vibrating in her back pocket.

"Hello?" she yelled into the receiver and began moving towards the hallway that led to the bathrooms.

"Hey baby,"Elliot's voice came across. "Where are you?"

"Still out," she finally reached the hallway that had been a little more quiet. "And a little drunk," she giggled; a sound Elliot could never get enough of.

"I mean where exactly are you?"

"In the hallway to the bathrooms, why?" she looked around, knowing he wouldn't ask that question for no reason. She heard shuffling and music in the background.

"Look to your right," she turned her head and immediately ran towards him when she seen him standing at the other end of the hallway. Her long legs wrapped around his torso when she embraced him, and his hands cupped her ass to steady her. She kissed him greedily, suddenly aware of the ache in her lower belly for him.

"Well hello to you too," he pulled away from her with the widest grin across his face, and she could tell that he had had a few drinks too.

"We weren't supposed to see each other tonight," she kissed the corner of his mouth before releasing her legs from around him. "Casey's not gonna like this," she wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands travelled along her backside, massaging the curvy flesh.

"Why do our friends insist on getting us drunk and keeping us all to themselves?"

"Mmm," she moaned at the feel of his lips ghosting along her neck. Maybe it was the alcohol or the people passing them by but paying them no mind, that made her feel like they were two twenty somethings madly in love. There was no word great enough to describe the way Elliot made her feel. Just the caress of his hands on her skin set her heart ablaze.

"Why are you here?"

"Oh well I guess I'll just leave," he pulled his mouth from her neck but she grabbed ahold of his head with both of her hands.

"No no, I just mean aren't you supposed to be having a bachelor party right now?" The tips of her fingers threaded through his hair at the nape of his neck.

"I am but I started to miss you," a laugh rumbled through her knowing exactly what he was getting at.

"Did you miss me or did you miss me?" she said, putting an emphasis on the last miss.

"Maybe a little bit of both," he nuzzled his nose to hers and couldn't help the grin that escaped.

"I should get back out there before Casey comes looking for me," she said but made to no attempt to pull away.

"She already knows I'm here, and yes she is absolutely ready to kick my ass," he stated before following Olivia back out into the club.

Although their parties had somehow become a combined event, Olivia and Elliot couldn't have asked for their night to go any other way. The way Elliot was so territorial over her sometimes made her want to pull her hair out, but on nights like this she couldn't tell him no. It was still a thrill to know he still felt the need to let the other men know that she was his. His hands had been all over her the entire night, and she was counting down the minutes until the club closed and she was able to take him home. Olivia had every intention of ending her girls night with a nightcap at Casey's, but she was willing to make that up to her later.

After saying their goodbyes, Elliot had managed to hail them a cab and keep his hands to himself the majority of the ride. She rested her head on his shoulder as they rode the short trip to their house, realizing just how sleepy she had gotten. Elliot held onto her hand that rested on his thigh and rubbed the back of it gently. It was small intimate gestures like this made that made her heart still tremble. Her eyes were feeling heavy as the buzz faded away and their cab turned the corner into their neighborhood. She felt Elliot's body shift as he reached in his back pocket to grab cash for the cab fair, and was relieved when she looked over and seen the grey two story.

Elliot came around to her side and helped her as she stumbled out of the cab in her heels that were aching her poor feet. She kicked them off as soon as they reached the driveway, and walked the rest of the way inside. As soon as they entered the house had been silent, with only a light in the kitchen left on. They assumed the girls had crashed in one of the guest rooms, and tried their hardest to be quiet as they went up the stairs.

Elliot shut the door behind them and watched as Olivia immediately began ridding herself of her clothes. She was exhausted and he was too. Any energy they had had before had been long gone the moment their friends dragged them back inside the club.

He came up behind her and enveloped her in his arms as she stood in only her boyshorts and bra. Elliot kissed behind her ear as his kneaded along her bare skin. He felt her body vibrate as she moaned in response to the feel of his hands on her skin. When his hand moved lower down her abdomen, she grabbed it when he toyed with the hem of her underwear.

"What's wrong?"

"As much as I want to, I'm just so tired baby," she leaned her head to look up at him with her eyelids heavy. He his hand away and she grabbed a hold of it. "You're not upset are you?"

"Upset?" he laughed lightly. "Never. We did party pretty hard, didn't we?" she cracked a smile at his antics and pecked his lips.

"Yes, we did," she laughed and turned to face him. "How about we take our drunk asses to bed?"

"I like the sound of that," he kissed her again before going into their closet to change into a pair of sweatpants. When he came out and saw she had changed into one of his shirts- like always, he grinned. The alcohol had almost worn off, and her eyes were low as exhaustion set in completely. They both slid into bed and entangled themselves within one another. Olivia's head rested on his bare chest, as his arm wrapped around her body. He kissed the top of her head and pulled her even closer until her leg crossed over his body. It was only a few minutes later until his breathing had evened out and she knew he had already fallen asleep.

She took a moment to look at her left hand that rested on his chest, and at the ring that still adorned her ring finger. It would be a little over a month before she would officially be Mrs.Stabler, which was still a hard concept to grasp. Three long years of waiting and planning had led up to this, and she was counting the days, minutes, and seconds until they finally said "I do". So many had warned her that things did change after marriage, but she knew that after the turmoil her and Elliot had been through, they were more than prepared.

She leaned up to kiss his jawline softly before pulling up the comforter and closing her eyes in an effort to sleep too.


	3. what if

**Wednesday, August 3**

She looks at the calendar on her phone and switches between the months, tracking the dates. She counts and recounts, hoping that the number will change but it's not adding up right.

 _Impossible_

She whispers to herself as she sits on the edge of their bed already dressed for work. Olivia tries her best to not freak out but the possibility weighs heavily on her shoulders. Her absorption is broken when the footsteps of her little one come down the hallway.

"Good morning mama!" Cecilia greets her mother after just waking up. She's dressed in her favorite footed pajamas and her curly blonde hair stands at the top of her head. She reaches Olivia and rests her elbows on her mother's thighs as she looks up at her with sleep still present in her eyes. Olivia looks down at her daughter and cups her rosy cheeks as she leans down to place kisses all over her face. A giggle escapes from her daughter when she tries to pull back, but Cecilia wraps her arms around her mother's neck. Olivia lifts her up onto her lap and cuddles her for just a moment longer.

"Good morning, pretty girl," Olivia pulls back to look at her baby girl, who really wasn't a baby anymore. In just a few weeks she would be going off to preschool and before she knew it it would be time for kindergarten and so on.

"Do you havta work?" she asks- observing the jeans and blouse her mother had put on.

"Yes, but only half a day because we have dress fittings for the wedding, remember?"

"Oh yeah!" her face brightens at the thought of spending the day with her mom. "Girls only, right?" Olivia laughs.

"Yes! A girls day with just us and Aunt Casey and Melinda," she stands with Cecilia on her hip. "How about some breakfast with me before mommy has to leave?"

"Can I have the cereal with the frosting on them?" a light-hearted laugh escapes again, Olivia knows exactly what she's talking about.

"Absolutely."

"Good morning daddy!" Cecilia squealed when they entered the kitchen from the back stairs. Elliot was standing in front of the coffee pot going through what Olivia assumed was emails on his phone. "Are you making coffee?" a smile breaks across his face at the question, realizing just how observant their child was.

"Yes I am, champ. Can I have a good morning kiss?" he tugs her from Olivia's arms and kisses her cheeks before hugging her close. "Mason still asleep?" he looks over at his fiance.

"For now, yes," she grabs two mugs and a bowl from the cabinet. "Cecilia are you sure you want the frosted wheaties for breakfast?"

"Yes mommy, I'm sure," she doesn't hesitate for a second as she wiggles from her father's arms and climbs into a stool that sits at their kitchen island.

"And how are you this morning?" he pulls Olivia close by the waist and kisses her temple.

"Feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. Only 10 more days," she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses his lips softly.

"No kissing, no kissing!" Cecilia protests from where she sits, already over her parents love fest.

"How come? I give you kisses every morning," Elliot grins and is overall amused by his daughter.

"Yes but one. You give mommy hundreds of millions!" her parents look at each other for a split second before making their way over to her and attacking her with kisses. She erupts in giggles and it is the sweetest sound on earth. "No more, no more!" she says through her laughter.

"Just a few more," Olivia kisses her cheeks a few more times before pulling away. "Okay I think that's enough," she mussels her blonde curls and returns to making her a bowl of cereal.

"No cereal for you?" Elliot asks.

"No, I'm not feeling too hot this morning. Coffee will be just fine," she grabs the milk from the fridge and moves over to the pantry to find the cereal.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yes honey, I'm sure," she tries to remain stoic in an effort to hide the worry on her face. "Here you go my love," she places the small bowl in front of Cecilia along with a spoon.

"Thank you," the phrase satisfies Olivia, seeing that her daughter was finally catching onto the manners she tried very hard to teach her.

"You're welcome," she kisses the top of her head and moves back towards the coffee pot that has finally finished brewing.

"Still getting fitted for your dress today?"

"Around three this afternoon. It'll be the last one until the big day," she bites her bottom lip in excitement.

"You sure you can't sneak me one little picture?"

"Nice try but absolutely not," she moved to sit next to Cecilia at the breakfast bar as she sipped on her coffee.

"It was worth a shot," he poured himself a cup and leaned on the other side of the counter.

"There's my Mason!" Olivia's face lights up when she sees her son scooting his way down the stairs. "Can you come give me a hug before I leave?" he sat at the end of the stairs with his arms crossed and a pouty look on his face.

"Are you a pants today?" Elliot asked.

"No," he said quietly and softened as his lower lip began to quiver.

"Oh no, buddy what's wrong?"

"I don't want mommy to go to work," he cried at the end of the stairs and Olivia rushed to comfort him. He was like this some mornings- a definite mamas boy.

"Baby, I'll be back soon. But you know what? Daddy will be here to spend time with you while I'm gone. Doesn't that sound fun?" she sat at the end of the stairs with him on her lap as he cried into her shoulder.

"No," he answered short and sweet. Olivia looked away in an effort to compose herself and stop the laughter from escaping. Elliot did the same as he turned away smiling at his sons antics.

"But daddy loves spending time with you," she stood with him still in her arms. "I have to go Mason. I love you so much!" she wiped away his tears and kissed him before handing him off to Elliot.

"I will see you later," she kissed Elliot quickly before going over to Cecilia. "I can't wait to try on our dresses later," she said excitedly.

"Me too!" Cecilia squealed. Olivia gave her a kiss goodbye and grabbed her purse before heading to the garage.

Hours and hours of paperwork later, Olivia was finally on her way to her final dress fitting. She swung by the house to grab Cecilia before meeting up with Melinda and Casey. The day had been long and she was utterly exhausted, but her eagerness to try on her dress one more time before the big day had not been lost.

"I say this every time but I still can't believe you and Stabler are jumping the broom," Melinda said as they waited on the seamstress to grab their dresses.

"Well _I_ can. They've been making sex eyes at each other since the day they got partnered up," Casey chimed in and Olivia nudged her to remind her Cecilia was with them. "She's not even paying attention to us," Casey rolled her eyes when she seen Cecilia had been too into her iPad.

"Doesn't mean she's not listening. Children are very aware Cas," she shook her head.

"We're ready for you ladies," the red headed woman opened the door to the private room and lead the ladies to the chairs that surrounded the small platform. There were mirrors everywhere and the room was decorated in white and gold.

"How excited are you Olivia? Less than two weeks!"

"Can't wait," she smiled small suddenly hit with the fear that she had earlier this morning. She hadn't had any symptoms, but even a slight weight gain would be obvious in this dress that had been tailored to her body.

"You don't sound so excited anymore," Casey looked at her friend curiously, noticing the slight change in her demeanor.

"No no, I'm fine. Just a few nervous jitters now that we're in here," she laughed nervously.

"I promise you, it's going to be one of the best days of your life."

"I sure hope so. Let's get this dress on."

Olivia went into the fitting room and with the help of the seamstress she was able to get the dress on. It was an off the shoulder gown that flowed in lace all the way down and to the end of her train. It was the perfect off white that went seamlessly with her theme of blush pink and cream. The dress was gorgeous and took months to find, but most importantly- it fits perfectly. She exhales in relief when the dress zips completely with no trouble, and steps out and onto the platform. There's not a stitch out of place.

"You look like a princess mommy!" Cecilia looked up from her iPad in amazement.

"Thank you love," she looked in the mirror and felt herself tearing up. As much as she kept saying she never thought she would get married, now she really could believe it. There was no other man that loved her like Elliot.

"You look absolutely stunning Liv," both Casey and Melinda stood.

"Thank you guys. It's just all setting in right now," she cried and laughed lightly.

"Why are you crying mommy?" Cecilia made her way over to her mother and climbed onto the short platform.

"Oh they're happy tears, I promise! I'm just so excited to marry your daddy!" she leaned the slightest to run her hand through her curls. "Why don't you go ask Melody if she would help you get your dress on?" she said referring to the other seamstress who helped them these past few months.

She ran to go find her in the lobby, and Casey and Melinda came over to Olivia.

"You're saying these are happy tears but my gut tells me it's something else," Melinda placed her hand on Olivia's back. Out of respect the seamstress exited the room to give them a moment, knowing all too well about pre-wedding jitters.

"If you're rethinking this-"

"No not at all!" Olivia wiped away a few stray tears.

"Well what is it? You know you can tell us."

"I'm pregnant," she stated.

"Shit," Casey said.

"Well, I think I am. I'm late on my period and I haven't been feeling that great this week. No other symptoms though," she ran her hands through her hair. "I can't handle being pregnant again. Not after what happened last year," it was a topic she had avoided at all costs, but it was coming head on with her.

"Oh Liv," Casey and Melinda pulled her in for a hug to comfort her.

"I want another baby so much, but I'm terrified. I can't handle another loss."

"We'll be right here with you every step of the way," Melinda said. "If you want me to, I'll run a blood test for you as soon as you want?"

"That would be amazing Melinda, thank you," Olivia gave a small smile and looked back at the door that swung open.

"Everything good in here?" Natalie poked her head in.

"Yes, let's get this fitting done. I'm so sorry."

"We all have a day, you're fine honey," she grabbed her small basket of supplies and began the finishing touches on her dress.

After a whirlwind of a day, Olivia and Cecilia had finally made it home just in time for dinner. Elliot had ordered pizza from their favorite place; a cheese pizza for the kids and pepperoni for them. They sat on the patio of their backyard and enjoyed the sunset, watching the kids play on their jungle gym after finishing their dinner. Elliot noticed right away how reserved Olivia had been but figured it was due to the stress of today.

They sat on the swing together with their hands entangled, enjoying the quietness that was summer. A soft hue of orange and pink took over the sky as the neighborhood settled in for the night. Cecilia and Mason hung out on the swing set, seeing who could swing the highest; a game that they've kept up all summer since being able to swing without help.

"You've been awfully quiet since you got home," Elliot said. "Is everything okay?" he kissed the top of her head as she rested it on his shoulder.

"I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed," which was _technically_ the truth. Of course there was so much more to that statement.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

She sat up and caressed the side of his face, smiling from ear to ear. Olivia knew that Elliot had no idea about the first thing when it came to planning a wedding, but his offer was charming. "Hmm, I don't know. Put the kids to bed for me and maybe a nice bubble bath tonight?" she smirked.

"For you? Anything," and with that he got up from his seat to go wrangle the kids and get them ready for bed- which she was very grateful for. She knew should wouldn't be able to keep up with this charade for too much longer, but Olivia just needed to get through the wedding. In a few days she would be meeting up with Melinda to finally do her blood test and get answer she had been searching for. In her heart of hearts another baby was exactly what she wanted, but the panic of having a repeat of the year before left her doubtful.

 **Olivia pregnant? In a fanfic? *pretends to be shocked***

 **No but really this storyline is about to get crazzzyyy up in here.**


	4. one wish

**Wednesday, August 9**

The results aren't shocking, but they sure are hard to swallow as reality smacks her right in the face. She's fearful, grateful, speechless, and joyful all at the same time as she holds the sheet of paper in her shaky hands. Too many butterflies in her stomach to count as she realizes this is the very moment where their lives changes forever.

"I hope those are happy tears?" Melinda speaks up as she sits across from Olivia at her desk. She had hand delivered the test results to her while she was working her last day until the wedding.

"Yes...no...but mainly yes," she laughs nervously as she uses the back of her hand to wipe the tears that have drenched her cheeks. "I'm pregnant," she says out loud to convince herself that this is now a fact.

"You are, and this is going to be amazing!" Melinda stands to give Olivia a hug from where she sits across from her.

"I don't think I can tell Elliot, at least not until after the wedding."

"Why? Don't you think he'll become suspicious at the reception when you're not toasting with champagne?"

"That's where you and Casey will make sure there's sparkling grape juice in my glass," Melinda pulls back completely from her and laughs lightly.

"You're serious aren't you?"

"Yes, I am," she grabs a tissue from her desk and dabs her face. "If we're being honest, I think I should wait until I get to the doctor to make sure this pregnancy is even viable," the words are heartbreaking as they leave her mouth, but it's a precaution she knows she needs to take. Trying for another baby was all Elliot had wanted the past few months, and the last thing she wanted to do was let him down.

"Liv.."

"Melinda, this is the way I want to do it," Olivia held her hands up in protest. "I know it might sound crazy to you, but this is what's going to be best for _me_."

"Okay," Melinda says simply and offers her a soft smile. "Whatever you need, I'm here for you," she reaches over to squeeze her shoulder before going to grab her purse. "I have to get back to the office but you, Casey, and I need to talk about this sparkling grape juice at the wedding," her comment made Olivia chuckle.

"How about lunch tomorrow? I'll text you guys tonight."

"That sounds like a plan," she embraced Olivia tightly. "I'll talk to you later," and with that she was out the door.

Olivia sat back in her office chair deep in thought as her mind went back to that awful night last year.

…

It's a Tuesday night in the middle of June and the air is sticky as the heat refuses to let down. Olivia sits on the swing on their deck swaying gently as she nestles her growing bump. The kids are playing a gentle game of kickball with their older siblings, along with the man who connects them all- Elliot. He's home after another trip to D.C, a long one at that, and everyone- Olivia especially, is excited to have him home.

There's less than three months left until they welcome their baby and she's eager to use his break from travelling to prepare for their newest edition. The early arrival of Mason had left her anxious this time around, figuring it was better to be prepared early rather than late. Considering how late in life she had started her family, Olivia guessed this baby would probably be their last and she just prayed that everything went smoothly.

"How come you're always holding your belly like that?" Eli had taken a break from the game and came to sit by his soon to be stepmom.

"Because I like to feel your baby brother or sister move whenever I get the chance," she grinned and ran a hand through his curls. He reached out his hand to feel around her swell and frowned.

"I don't feel anything."

"Well, I think they're asleep. They haven't moved in a while."

"Why are you and daddy making us wait to know if it's a boy or a girl?" Olivia beamed at him and his hat full of questions. He was much older with this pregnancy and had a lot more questions these days.

"Isn't a surprise so much more fun?"

"Sometimes, but I don't like this one too much," he scrunched his nose as he looked up at her. "I just really hope it's a boy!"

"A boy? But we already have Mason. Wouldn't it be nice to have another little sister?"

"No way!" he said curtly.

"But if we have another boy we"ll finally be even with the girls!" Elliot came over to the deck after overhearing their conversation.

"Yeaaahhh!" Eli pumped his fists in the air and Elliot joined his celebration by cheering along with him. "I can't wait! How much longer until we find out?"

"Sweetie, there's still about 10 weeks left."

"Aw, that's like forever!" he cried.

"I know baby, but it's going to go by so fast," she kissed the top of his head and managed to get a smile out of him.

"Until then how about another game of kickball?" Elliot tries to lift his spirits and thankfully it works as Eli perks up, and heads back out into the yard to join his siblings.

It had only been a few hours later when Olivia found herself in the emergency room, praying that the doctor wouldn't be bringing horrible news. The baby hadn't moved all evening and if it wasn't for Elliot she wouldn't have put in the call to her doctor that landed her here. The thought of anything being wrong had terrified her and left her feeling the same way she did that night she thought she'd lost Mason.

She had been placed in an exam room with Elliot by her side as she waited for the sonogram technician to come take a look at their baby. "No matter what happens, everything will be okay," Elliot says softly as he holds her hand.

"Please don't say that because when you say things like that-" she choked on her words as the thought of the very worst overwhelms her. Too many months of preparing to welcome this new life and getting comfortable with the idea of having one more little one running around. Olivia had loved this baby more than anything in the world, and the fact that she may never get to meet him or her had been devastating.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he pulled his chair even closer to her as she laid in the bed, leaning over her and rubbing her hair back. "Tell me baby, what do you need?" he says in an effort to comfort her.

"I just need you here with me, just like this," she reached for his hand and pulled it towards her swell, holding it there under hers still praying for any sign that their little one was okay.

"Hi Olivia, Elliot," Doctor Parilla had entered along with a sonogram technician on duty and wheeled in the monitor. "I'm so sorry we had to see you again this soon and under such circumstances," she moved near the other side of Olivia and reached for her hand, giving it a light squeeze. They had formed a great relationship over the past years. Doctor Parilla had been there for every milestone since Olivia and Elliot had started a family together.

"If you're not ready.." she said as the technician began to set everything up.

"Please, just do it," Olivia said. Elliot sat beside her, still comforting her as she raised her shirt up and exposed her bare skin. The technician had squeezed the familiar cool gel on her belly and began to probe around in search of a heartbeat. Minutes had passed and with careful examination they had concluded that the fetus hadn't survived- that their baby _girl_ hadn't survived.

Olivia's reverie is broken when a knock on her door makes her jump the slightest. "Come in," she clears her throat and quickly dabs her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket.

"Hey Liv," it was Mia standing in her doorway with two cups from their favorite cafe in her hands. "I figured if we're stuck here doing paperwork, we can at least treat ourselves to some coffee," she closed the door behind her and took a seat across from Olivia.

"Thank you for this," she handed the cup over to Olivia and she took it graciously, thankful for the afternoon pick me up.

"Everything okay?" Mia asks, noticing a change in her friends demeanor.

"Just a little stressed, but everything will be fine once the wedding is over," she stretches the truth a bit, deciding she needed time to digest this before sharing this with anyone else. Mia eyes her for a moment knowing that her friend hadn't been completely truthful with her, but knew that whatever it was she would come to her when she was ready.

"Only three more days!" Mia clapped excitedly in her seat. "Are we still on for girls night Friday?"

"Do we really have to? I mean I highly doubt that it'll bring us bad luck to spend the night before together," the girls had been adamant that her and Elliot spend the night before the wedding separated, but Olivia wasn't up for spending the night away.

"Liv, it won't even be 24 hours…"

"I will think about it, but for now how about we kick these last few hours of works ass?" Olivia tries for a change in topic.

"Promise you'll think about it?"

"Yes, I promise," Olivia holds her pinky out and Mia smiles brightly as her friend agrees to give their girls night some thought.

"Okay, well I guess I should get back to work if I plan to make it out of here anytime soon," Mia sighed and grabbed her coffee. "I'll call you later tonight," Olivia waved her goodbye and went back to her stack of files she needed to get through- or at least she tried to.

No matter how many times she reread those printed results in her hand that read positive, it was hard for her to believe. She wanted more than anything to run home to Elliot and share this with him, but she promised herself to stick with her original plan and wait. Olivia hated keeping secrets from Elliot more than anything, but she couldn't bear giving him this news just for it to all be taken away from him. He had been rooting to try for another baby soon and his wish had finally been granted. Olivia, however, wanted to be sure it would follow through.

 **No new svu, but for once I came through with an update. I would say leave a review and I'll actually update on time but we all know that's a lie.**


	5. mr and mrs

**Saturday, August 12**

The day has finally come that Olivia and Elliot have spent years preparing for, and as she sits on the balcony of the venue where they have decided to wed she can't believe it. Her bridesmaids, which include her closest friends and stepdaughters, are all gathered in the room behind her and getting prepared for the big day ahead of them. Olivia is in her custom silk white robe that reads on the back, sipping on a cup of coffee as her hair sits in rollers and her makeup is finished. She laughs a little to herself, knowing how much Elliot would scold her for drinking coffee if he knew she was pregnant.

It had been three days since she had found out and she became more anxious as each day passed where she hadn't broke the news to Elliot. It was killing her to keep it from him, but she knew it would hurt him much worse if this pregnancy had had scheduled a doctor's appointment right before their honeymoon, and had hoped she would get the good news that this was a viable pregnancy. A million ideas had swarmed through her mind on how she would tell him, and she had hoped she would be able to put one to use.

"Liv, they're ready to finish styling your hair," Casey interrupted her train of thought. She was dressed in an oversized t shirt and her hair and makeup had been set; she looked very much like Casey.

"Okay, just give me a minute," she offers her a smile but it has no give as Casey eyes her up and down.

"Liv…" she warns.

"Everything is fine. I'm fine," she attempted to push past her but Casey stopped her.

"Bullshit...I know exactly what you're worried about and everything is going to go smoothly today. Sparkling juice and cider only," she winked and embraced her friend that had been a worried wreck.

"God, I hope you're right. Elliot can read me like a book, and the last thing I need is him figuring out is that I'm pregnant," she pulled away and kissed Casey on the cheek. "Thank you for being one of the greatest friends I've had," Casey knew exactly what she meant by that, and was thankful Olivia had let her in after Alex had passed.

"Aw Liv," she hugged her again. "Let's get inside before I'm a crying mess."

She's crying, she's laughing, she's grinning from ear to ear as she holds the hand of the man she's promised forever just moments ago. Too many years of stolen glances and hiding the urge to just embrace the other have led up to now. Now he was just as much hers as she was his, and from now on they will only continue to build this very life together.

He's beautiful in his tan suit that's matched with a white button up and blush pink tie. His hair is perfectly cropped and his face is cleanly shaven. Elliot's left hand takes hers and eyes the new band that adorns her finger. The same goes for him as his silver band shines back at her. He brings the back of her hand to his lips to kiss her ring finger, before pulling her closer to him for a kiss to her lips. They're hidden in an empty hallway in the hopes of alone time since saying their vows, before the reception begins.

"I want you...so damn bad," he suckles on her bottom lip before lustfully kissing her again. "And the fact that I have to entertain our guests for god knows how long is killing me.." his hand cascades down her curves and cups her ass.

"I heard that married sex...is the best sex," she nips at his jawline. "So I think tonight might be worth the wait," his chest rumbles against her as he laughs.

"I don't think I can wait until tonight.." he continued teasing her and nipping at her already swollen lips.

"You can," she removes his hand from her behind. "And you _will_ ," she smiles salaciously at him and gives him one last kiss, before grabbing his hand and leading him back outside to begin taking pictures.

"Wait wait wait," Elliot tugged back on her hand that held his.

"What?" Olivia lifted the skirt of her dress and turned back to face him.

"Just give me…" he turned the knob on a door he had prayed lead to some type of closet, and he was grateful when they fell into a small darkened space. "One second," he pinned her body against the door and a laugh escaped from her. Both of his hands cupped her face and pulled her lips to his. Her arms wrapped around his lower torso underneath his blazer and looped her fingers through his belt loops. He pressed his hips into her and she could feel his arousal through her layers of fabric.

"You're not making waiting any more easier," she said between kisses and widened her stance to allow him to step even closer to her.

"Then why wait?" his hands move from her and grab ahold of the zipper on his slacks, but she quickly moves to stop him.

"The kids are outside, so are our guests, and the last thing I need is for them to hear me moaning your name in a broom closet," she pulled back from him and smoothed out her dress.

"I guess this is what they mean when they say good things come to those who wait," he readjusted his tie, and straightened out Olivia's hair that had escaped from behind her ear.

"Yeah, something like that," she smirked and kissed him lovingly before grabbing the knob of the door and peeking out before grabbing ahold of his hand. "Tonight," she says as she looks up at him and grins.

Night had finally fallen and the reception had ended after hours and hours of celebrating their marriage. Olivia had been officially over sparkling grape juice after her third glass, but was grateful for the artful disguise. She had changed into a much more comfortable and less expensive dress before they headed to an unknown destination to her, but a preplanned one for Elliot. Their honeymoon was another week away, but he couldn't get himself to wait another week to have her entirely to himself.

"Can you at least give me a hint as to where we're going?" Olivia sat in the passenger of their Wrangler, watching Elliot's every move as they drove down the interstate. Traffic had been light she noticed as they entered in their second hour of driving. The route had looked familiar but she didn't want to get her hopes up.

"It's going to be quiet and childless," a chuckle escaped him.

"Oh really? I never would have guessed," sarcasm dripped from her voice.

"Please just let me surprise you. I spent two weeks planning this," he reached for her hand that laid on the arm rest and laced her fingers with his. He pulled the back of her hand to his lips and returned it to the arm rest.

"How much longer then?"

"Thirty more minutes," he finally gives in and goes back to continue holding her hand. She gave it a light squeeze and let up on the questions- at least for now.

As promised they had gotten there just before midnight and Olivia couldn't hide the joy she felt when she seen that same two story white beach house. "Baby…" was all she could get out once he finally put the truck in park.

"For the next 48 hours this place is all for us," Elliot said before hopping out of the car and going to open her door. "We can go for walks on the beach, maybe cook a little on grill," he pulled her by her hand out of the truck and enveloped her in his arms. Elliot held her just like that for a moment and she embraced him back as he kissed the top of her head. "I'm just happy we get this alone time for a little while," he pulled back and caressed her cheek before placing a kiss to her lips.

"Me too," she smiles as she looks up at him through her dark lashes.

"Let's get inside," Elliot digs in the pocket of his slacks and pulls out the key to the beachouse before going to unlock the door. When they enter he switches on the lights and the memories of the last time they were here begin to flood Olivia's memory. She remembers how much they danced around the idea of marriage, and now after 3 years had passed, they returned as husband and wife.

"It looks almost exactly the same," Olivia walked into the living room and went to look out the floor to ceiling windows. The beach behind them had been lit up due to everyone else's deck lights being on. The waves of the water reflected as the brightness of the moon fell over them. "I absolutely cannot wait to go to the beach tomorrow. Maybe we can have breakfast on the deck?" she turned her head around and found him staring at her.

"Anything you want," he came over to stand behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Anything?" she looked up at him with questioning eyes.

"Mmhmm," he kissed her temple.

"So you wouldn't mind ordering some food for me tonight?" a smile broke across his face.

"Let me guess, pizza?"

"Please? I know we ate at the reception-"

"I'll go order it right now," he cuts her off nicely and pulls out his phone to begin ordering on his food delivery app. "I'm gonna go grab the bags from the car. You relax," he pecks her lips before hurrying outside.

Olivia wraps her arms around her torso, suddenly cold now that Elliot wasn't next to her. The long cream silk dress she wore drags on the floor as she heads towards the kitchen in an effort to find something to drink. She flipped the lights on and was greeted with the same spacious kitchen she had dreamed of having all those years ago, and had finally gotten. It was decorated with white cabinets and marble countertops, along with an island that was to die for. Olivia opened the fridge and was grateful to find it had been stocked. She grabbed a bottle of water and sat at the island in one of the stools, realizing just how exhausted she had been.

"The food should be in here in thirty minutes," Elliot entered into the kitchen with just Olivia's purse and handed it over to her. "Your phones been buzzing like crazy," she grabbed it from her purse and wasn't shocked to see a ton of messages from Casey, wondering where Elliot had taken her. She laughed a little and shot her a text before throwing her phone back in there.

"It's just Casey being Casey," she rolled her eyes and shook her head. "So we have thirty minutes until the pizza is here?" she says coyly and stands to move closer to him.

"Maybe 27 now...but we still have time to do a few other things before then," he pulled her closer to him and ran his hands over her curves that were covered in silk. "We have no kids to barge in on us," he kisses behind her ear. "No jobs to go to in the morning," he moves towards her jawline. "Just a sunrise along the ocean to look forward to when we wake up," he finally kisses her lips and tugs on the bottom just the slightest.

"I love the sound of that," she opens her mouth and is welcomed with the familiar taste of him. He's relentless as he picks her up from the bar stool she sat in, and lifts her onto the counter. He lifts the silk of her dress up to her thighs and palms her olive skin.

"Please don't make me wait much longer," Elliot's voice goes hoarse as he tries to pace himself. This night is supposed to be special or at least more significant than so many others. But the moment he skims his hands along her thigh and up to the lace of her panties, he knows the game of patience is over.

" _I_ can't even wait much longer," she uses her hand to push his past the thin scrap of lace, and up against her slick and heated core. "I don't need anything soft and romantic. I just want you tonight," and with that his lips were on hers again as her hands went to the button of the jeans he had changed into. Her hand slipped into his pants and was satisfied when she felt this arousal in the palm of her hand.

Elliot lifted her again and her long legs wrapped around his waist as he began to head towards the bedroom upstairs. "20 minutes," Olivia breathed once they made it to the room and he laid her across the bed.

"I'll make you come in ten," he says fiercely as he leans over her, completely caging her in. She blushes at his words knowing the truth along them. In a matter of seconds his clothes are off and she's laid entirely bare beneath him as he aligns himself with her core. Her back arches as he thrusts fully and buries himself deep within her, causing a guttural sound to leave her.

"Uhhh," moans escape her body when she feels his forehead pressed against hers, as he continues to sink himself into her. His thumb fingers her clit and she's on the brink of an orgasm as he perfectly executes each thrust. There's only the heavenly sound of her crying for him to go deeper, and their skin slapping against each other as he fucks her in a missionary position. It's a basic and boring position to some, but it had been one of Olivia's favorites. To have Elliot on top of her with her legs wrapped around him, watching him thrust in and out of her as he empties himself inside of her.

Fire pools in her abdomen as she comes around him, cursing his name as he continues fucking her as he begins to reach his own climax. Beads of sweat gather on her forehead as she comes down, her breathing is unsteady and she feels herself on the edge of coming again as Elliot spills himself inside her. His warmth fills her and he remains pumping into her as he comes.

He stills inside of her and takes a moment to look down at the woman underneath him: his wife. She's everything he's ever dreamed of and more, and a calmness resides over him once he realizes this is how it will be for the rest of his life. He doesn't mean the passionate sex, but being able to wake up next to her everyday. Spend their nights entangled in one another and running his hands along her silken skin. It was so simple, but after years pretending there was nothing there between them this was everything he ever wanted.

Elliot bends to kiss her swollen lips, suckling on the bottom one as her hand tugs on the hair at the nape of his neck. He pulls gently out of her and flips them over so that she's straddling his torso. She pulls away from him with her hands resting on his chest and beams at him. "You're not gonna let me sleep tonight are you?"

"No intentions at all," he says matter of factly.

"Well you better hope that pizza comes soon, or I'm not gonna have enough energy to keep up with you," she tosses her hair back and moves off of him.

"Where do you think you're going?" Elliot pulls on her arm softly.

"El, if one of us plans on answering the door I think we should find some item of clothing to wear," she chuckles as she falls back on him.

"I'll answer the door and you...you can stay just like this," he runs his hands along her along her back and smirks.

"You are something else," she shakes her head and grins before rolling over next to him. The doorbell rings and Elliot hurries to throw on his slacks and runs downstairs.

Olivia stretched out in bed and wrapped herself in the sheets, tired, but a good tired. She had gotten married today in front of the people who mattered the most to her, including her children. She ran her hand over to abdomen where their newest addition rested, and suddenly felt a wave of relief wash over her. Today above all days marked a new beginning for them, and for the first time since she found out she was pregnant she felt like maybe this was their second chance.

 **I made a promise to myself this summer that I'm going to invest more time in my writing now that schools out. I hope ya'll enjoyed this chapter, the next one will be posted soon! I pinky promise this time lol.**


	6. confessions

**Sunday, August 13**

A night full of love making had led to a savory ache between her legs that she felt the moment she woke up. Her hair had been a tousled mess and her makeup from the wedding had been long gone, as she stretched in bed. When she reached over and felt that Elliot's side of the bed had been cold, she sat up and went to look for him still only wrapped in the white sheets. She found him in the kitchen plating food she assumed he had just ordered for them, as he stood barefoot in all his glory in only a pair of grey sweatpants.

"Good morning," she wrapped the sheet around her tighter and moved to sit on the bar stool next to him. "It's insane to think the beach is just right there," she looked over her shoulder towards the deck.

"What's even crazier is that we're going to have breakfast right next to it too," he kissed her and returned to finishing up their breakfast. "Go grab your robe and meet me outside," Olivia couldn't help the smile that escaped her and hurried upstairs to change. They hadn't had a real vacation, especially like this since- well she couldn't remember if they ever had.

She threw on her knee length robe and managed to toss her hair into a bun before meeting Elliot outside on the deck. He had laid out a platter of food that included their shared favorite: pancakes. There was a vase full of fresh flowers, coffee, and orange juice too. She had been grateful she hadn't gotten sick quite yet during this pregnancy, and was still able to hold down her food.

"Thank you so much for this," Elliot pulled out her chair for her and kissed her lips, before taking a seat across from her at the small table.

"You're welcome baby," without asking he went ahead and began making her plate for her, making her a small stack of pancakes along with a few pieces of fruit and bacon. Of course she was perfectly capable of making her own plate, but these next few days he just wanted to pamper her. It had been so long, he felt like, since he was able to. They both had been working their asses off for not only this wedding, but the honeymoon they had both dreamed of.

"Mmmm," she moaned with a mouth full of food. It had been months of "eating healthy" as she prepped for the wedding, and these carbs had tasted like heaven. Elliot laughed at her indulgence and handed her a napkin to wipe the syrup from her mouth. "Please order these again tomorrow morning," she went to take a sip of the orange juice he had poured for her and paused once she tasted the alcohol. It wasn't just orange juice, it was mimosas.

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked.

"Nothing, I just didn't realize this was mimosas that's all," she played it off and took another extremely small sip. A few sips wouldn't do much harm, but she just didn't know how she would get through the rest of this trip. "So, what's the plan for today?" she tries for a change in topic.

"That's for me to know and for you to find out," he winked and took a bite of his food.

"Please El, no more surprises. I just wanna know," she pouted but of course with his history of being a cop, her antics hadn't made him budge one bit. "Okay fine," she gave up quickly knowing he was completely committed to keeping this trip one big surprise.

"Finish up. We have a big day ahead of us," he reached for her hand that rested on the table and held it in his. They sat in a comfortable silence for the rest of their meal, simply enjoying their surroundings. Never in a million years did she imagine being able to wake up beachside, and enjoy breakfast with her _husband._ A title that still feels funny to say out loud, but it warms her heart entirely.

 **Tuesday, August 15**

There's hours left until they must depart from the beach house that's created a new list of memories for them to cherish forever, and Olivia curses herself as she lays in bed before dawn, nauseous as ever. She just needed to get through one more day until she could get into the doctor's office. Elliot had been dead weight next to her, and had hoped she could make it to the downstairs bathroom.

She tiptoed out of bed in her silk camisole set and managed to make it downstairs before releasing the contents of her stomach. It had only taken a minute before she heard Elliot's footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Liv…" he said quietly on the other side of the door.

"I'm fine, I think I just ate some-" before she could finish her sentence she was hunched over the toilet once again. Elliot had opened the door and rushed to her side, holding her hair back for her. She had stopped finally and sat back on her knees, resting her hands on her thighs as she tried to catch her breath.

"Baby…" he started.

"It's just food El, I promise," she choked on her words as she tried to hold back her tears.

"But why does it feel like you're lying to me?" he sat on the floor behind her and pulled her into his lap. She rested her head on his shoulder and began to cry. Suddenly she felt dumb for even trying to hold this back from him. Olivia had weighed out her pros and cons, and had just gone with her instinct to handle this all on her own. Three plus years together, and she still managed to forget that her burdens were no longer hers to carry all on her own.

"You know you can tell me anything… through sickness and in health, for worse or for better," he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

"El, I'm so sorry I even tried to keep this from you," she pulled her head away to look up to him. "When I found out I just wanted to wait until I got confirmation from the doctor that everything was alright."

"Just tell me baby."

"I'm pregnant Elliot," she cried heavily.

"Oh Liv," he pulled her closer to him and buried his face into her hair. It only took a second for him to realize why it had been so difficult for Olivia to share what he felt, was wonderful news, but also nerve wrecking.

"I understand if you're upset-"

"But honey I'm not," he kissed her head repeatedly as he ran his hand along her hair.

"But I've been lying to you."

"Come here," Elliot stood and helped her up. "I know you hate when I say this, but no matter what we will get through whatever comes our way," he enveloped her in his arms, hoping to give her comfort as he ran his hands along her back.

"You're not upset?" she asked with her face buried into his shoulder.

"No, not at all. To tell you the truth I'm relieved. You've been acting a little off during this entire trip and I was beginning to think maybe you weren't having a good time," he smiled softly as his chin rested atop her head.

"No, just pregnant," she says and gets a laugh out of the both of them.

 **Wednesday, August 16**

Four more days.

Olivia kept trying to remind herself as she sat at her work desk attempting to catch up on the paperwork she had missed out on the past week. Saturday her and Elliot would be leaving for their official honeymoon, and she was counting down the days. In no time she would be back on the beach holding a pina colada (non-alcoholic of course), tanning and eating delicious foods from the island of Jamaica.

Tomorrow she would finally be able to make it to see her doctor, and honestly couldn't wait. There was still worry about the possible troubles with this pregnancy, but since she had confessed to Elliot the day before she felt a weight lifted off of her shoulders.

"Knock knock," Olivia looked up at her office door that she had left perched open and was surprised when she seen Casey.

"Case!" Olivia stood to go hug her friend. "What brings you over here?" she gestured for her to take a seat at the small couch in her office.

"I have a small favor to ask you," she turned the slightest to face Olivia.

"Anything…"

"We have this case going on and I need your help."

"Of course, anything you need. Do they need counseling?"

"Yes…" she pauses for a moment as if she's struggling to find the words. "We've been dealing with this intense case, the victim's name is Lindsay Smith. She was assaulted by her abusive ex boyfriend while she was 7 months pregnant. He beat her so brutally she lost the baby, and Liv it's been a fucking nightmare dealing with this."

"Can I ask you something?" Olivia asked. "Do you want me to take this case because you feel I'm the right counselor for this woman, or because somehow you think I can help her since I lost my baby too?" Olivia had hoped it just a reach and maybe she was over analyzing Casey's intentions, but she couldn't help the red flag waving in her head.

"Liv…"

"Just tell me the truth," Olivia pushed.

"I did take into consideration that you had lost a child so late into your pregnancy, and I was hoping that you would be able to help her more than anyone-"

"But you know how hard it is for me to talk about that even to this day- Casey you _know_!" Olivia had sprung from her seat and went to pace in front of the large window in her office.

"Olivia, I promise I didn't mean to upset you," Casey stood up as well.

"Well, you did and I'm going to have to deny the offer Casey. It's still just too difficult and-" Olivia had become inconsolable as the tears began flooding her face. Her breathing had become shallow and she had placed her hand over to mouth to cover her sobs.

"Olivia…"

"Please just go!" her voice had risen and had motioned for her to leave. Casey stood planted in her spot for a moment, watching her friend have what appeared to be a panic attack. The last thing Casey had intended to do was trigger her. As much as she wanted to ignore her wishes and attempt to comfort her, Casey knew it would do no good and only upset her more. She grabbed her purse and reluctantly left the office.

Olivia had placed her hands above her head as she tried desperately to even out her breathing. It had been months since she had been so distressed over the topic of losing their baby, and she hated that it still impacted her so deeply. Olivia knew that Casey had come to her office with good intentions in mind, but talking about their baby girl, Ava, still left her heartbroken.

Her reverie was broken when she heard the personalized ringtone for Elliot buzz from her desk. She quickly tried to gather herself and answered the phone. "Hey baby," she greeted him shakily as her voice failed her.

"Liv, Casey just texted me…" he started off.

"I'm fine honey, I promise. I just got a little worked up, but I will be okay. I will talk to you more about it once I'm home," she sniffled and reached for a kleenex.

"Are you sure? I can come by right now-"

"No no, there's only a few hours left of the work day. I'll see you later, love you," she hung up before he could get another word in, utterly just needing a moment to regroup alone.

Olivia had pulled into the garage and barely made it through the door before Cecilia and Mason plowed into her, two of the greatest gifts life had given her. She lifted Mason into her arms and ran her hand through Cecilia's hair as she wrapped her arms around her legs. "Mama missed you guys all day!" she kissed Mason and bent over to kiss the top of Cecilia's head.

"Something smells good, did daddy cook something?" she walked towards the kitchen from the laundry room and was shocked when she seen Elliot standing over the stove.

"Hi mama," she made her way over to him and kissed his lips before setting Mason down, knowing Elliot was just moments away from scolding her.

"Whatcha cooking?" she peeked over his shoulder into the pot he had been stirring.

"I hope you're up for some gumbo," he scooped a small spoonful and blew on it before feeding it to her.

"Ah, this is so good!" she kissed the corner of his mouth and went to pull dishes out of the cabinet to begin setting the table. "Cece, can you help me set the table?" she ran over to join her mother and grabbed the plates for her and Mason that Olivia handed to her. It was a routine she tried to follow nightly whenever they were able to have dinner all together. They only had a few more days left to enjoy this before going on their week long honeymoon, and returning to reality directly after. She wishes it could be like this every night, but with her unpredictable workload and Elliot's work being in an entirely different state, she knew it just wasn't realistic.

Olivia sat at her vanity brushing through her dampened hair after getting out of the shower. She looked herself directly in the eyes as she did this, zoning in and out as she began overanalyzing the conversation her and Casey had had today. Well the parts of it that they had had before Olivia had kicked her out of her office. She had tried incredibly hard all day to understand where Casey had been coming from, and she absolutely did. However, it bothered her entirely too much that she had approached her for such an intense case that had touched a little too close to home.

As she finished she felt Elliot's hands skim along her shoulders. He bent the slightest to kiss the top of her head and then her temple. She reached for his hand on her right shoulder and brought the back of it to her lips. "I love you," she said.

"I love you too...but you know we're gonna have to talk about what happened this afternoon," she sighed and turned her body around on the low stool she sat in.

"We really don't. I made my decision and you and I both know it's the right one," she folded her arms across her. Elliot's silence had proven to her that he didn't agree. "Is there something you need to say?" her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"I-" he took a seat on the bench at the end of their bed and wrenched his hands in his lap. "I respect whatever decision you make but Liv, honey, I think that this is great opportunity for you to take another step forward in healing."

"Healing? Elliot, I'm fine! Just because I don't want to talk about my dead baby at any given chance, doesn't mean I haven't dealt with this!" her voice had risen and become shaky. She wanted to just put this day behind her, and never speak about it again. Not get into an argument with her husband.

"Ava," he said curtly.

"What?" her forehead wrinkled.

"Her name is- was Ava. Why can't you say her name? You speak about her like she didn't mean anything to you, when I know she meant the world," he cried.

This was it. They were finally talking about this and although it hadn't been at a more convenient time, he was glad to finally get a few things off of his chest. Any moment he attempted to speak with Olivia about the loss of their baby, she shut him out in seconds. Elliot understood that for awhile it would be difficult for her to speak about the tragedy they had just suffered through, but it had been far past due for them to have this conversation.

"You don't get it Elliot. I spent months with this entire being growing inside of me, and in the blink of an eye she was just gone…" she paused as the tears began to flow. "A-Ava was _gone_ ," she cried into her hands and Elliot rushed to comfort her. He pulled her up from where she sat and wrapped her in his arms. It hurt him to see his wife so broken, but there had been something comforting to see Olivia finally opening up to him. "I want more than anything to help Casey and her client, but I don't think I'm ready for that Elliot," he rubbed her head and kissed the top of it.

"I'm sorry that I've been bottling this up for so long, and shutting you out," she looked up at him with her reddened eyes from crying and gave him a weak smile. "I need to remember that you hurt just as much as me," her fingers toyed with the collar of his t shirt.

"And that we need to talk to each other," he added.

"Yes, that too," she kissed the corner of his mouth and pulled him close to her, nuzzling her face into his neck. "I'm scared," she admitted in regards to them starting this journey of growing their family all over again.

"I am too," he confessed. "But there isn't a doubt in my mind that we'll be bringing him or her home next year."

"God that's all I wanna do," her hand ran over her abdomen that was still pretty flat. "I'm hoping for good news tomorrow, I'm so nervous," Olivia said referring to her first doctor's appointment since finding out about her pregnancy.

"I'll be there with you for every step tomorrow," he reminded her, hoping that would give a little bit of comfort in knowing that she wouldn't be going through this alone. Elliot still couldn't get over how she had even thought to do this without him. Even if it was just for a week or a month until she had felt secure enough in this pregnancy. He understood her intention of wanting to protect him, but never in a million years would he want her to go through anything alone just to spare his feelings. Whatever happened from here on out they would get through together.

 **Who's side are you on? Do you agree with Casey and Elliot, or do you think Olivia still isn't quite ready to help someone like Casey's client? Next chapter thing will start picking up, and more about this storyline will be revealed!**


	7. home

**My hiatus: over.**

 **Wednesday, September 10**

The house is quiet this morning as Olivia sits at the island in their kitchen drinking hot tea. Cecilia was in preschool and Mason had started going to daycare, which left the mornings nice and calm for her when Elliot was able to take them. Today she would be going in for another doctor's appointment since going last month for her first visit. As she had hoped, the doctor had confirmed that not only was she pregnant but looking extremely healthy. She had been measuring to be at around five weeks when she had gotten her first scan, and now she was coming up on 9 weeks finally. Olivia had been sailing smoothly through this pregnancy so far, and relief wasn't a great enough word to describe how she felt. There were a few hiccups such as morning sickness and fatigue, but it was all minor to her.

"You ready?" Elliot entered into the kitchen from the back stairs dressed casual in a pair of dark jeans and a plain white shirt.

"How do you manage to look so good in anything you wear?" she asked as she eyed him like candy from where she sat.

"I should be asking you the same thing," he came up to her and kissed her temple softly.

"Oh please...just wait until a few months until-"

"Until I find myself even more in love with you and this pregnant body," he interrupted.

"Very smooth Stabler," she grinned and pulled on his shirt to bring him closer to her lips. "Let's get going before we're late," she kisses him again and hops down from the bar stool she sat on.

Although Olivia had been told her pregnancy had appeared normal so far, she couldn't help but continue to worry as they made it to her second appointment. Everything about this baby had felt so right yet she had felt on edge since the moment she found out she was pregnant.

She sat on the edge of the exam table, tapping her leg and wrenching her hands as her anxiety took over her. Elliot watched her and took ahold of one of her hands, offering her his support. The silence in the room was broken by Dr. Parilla who had knocked before entering. She was all smiles as she greeted them and began setting up for the sonogram.

"How have you been doing since your last visit?"

"Besides the nausea, its been going really great," it almost scared her to say anything, afraid that any trace of things going well would lead to a negative turn. Olivia wanted to believe that she deserved happiness, but the trauma she had gone through the past year had left her doubting it was true.

"Any cramping or spotting?"

"None at all," Olivia smiles and gives Elliot's hand a squeeze.

"Good..good," the doctor says in deep thought as she makes a few notes in her paperwork. "I want to try and get a good look at the baby today, and get your exact due date and just make sure you're measuring well overall," she grins the slightest as she looks between Olivia and Elliot.

Olivia adjusts her legs in the stirrups of the examination table, as the doctor prepares to insert a probe and proceed to the ultrasound. She knows it may be difficult during this appointment to get a clear sound of the heartbeat, but she hopes that luck will be on her side this time around. Hearing their baby's heartbeat would bring her heart so much relief.

Elliot leans over Olivia and rests his head lightly on hers as his hand holds her on the other side. She steals a kiss from him quickly and looks on the flat screen tv in front of them in awe as she sees the tiny fetus projected onto it. "You're measuring perfectly…" Doctor Parilla says as she clicks around on her keyboard. "The baby is about the size of a cherry and they are looking great. You're carrying really well, Olivia."

"So everything is okay?" Olivia asks just to be sure.

"Absolutely!" Olivia bites her lip to hide the excitement brewing inside of her. "Let me get a few photos for you and then we'll get a few more tests done before I let you go."

"Sounds good," handed her the stream of photos she had and stepped out of the room.

Elliot watched as Olivia continued to lay there and run her fingers over the images of their baby. "You know, I wanted to laugh when she said the baby was just the size of a cherry."

"Why's that?" he asks.

"Because for it to be so small, my pants are already hardly buttoning anymore," they both chuckle. "But I kind of can't wait until my belly grows and I can feel those little kicks," her smile becomes one filled with sadness as the memory of her last pregnancy pokes at the back of her mind.

"Hey…" Elliot says gently and runs his hand through her hair. "One step at a time," she exhales deeply and brings her head forward to peck his lips.

"I'm trying so hard to let myself be happy," she tugged on her bottom lip.

"I know," his hands went back to running through her hair. "I see you working towards it each and everyday," his lips skimmed her temple before placing a feather light kiss there.

"Sometimes I really just don't think I deserve you," she brought her hand to cup the side of his face, stroking her thumb alongside his jawline.

"I don't deserve _you_ ," he kissed her sweetly. There was a change in his eyes, one that showed sincerity in every word he had said. "I love you, Olivia."

After an emotional morning full of high highs and low lows, Olivia had returned to work and was counting down the hours until she could go home and be with Mason and Cecilia. Today she would be meeting with the client she had refused to work with only weeks ago when Casey had asked her. After a heart to heart talk with Elliot, she had made the decision to move forward and help this woman. They had their first session just last week, and Olivia would be lying to herself if she said this wasn't going to be a trying client to help. So many of the emotions and feelings she had described about losing her baby, had reflected Olivia entirely. She had faced so many difficult cases over the past few decades, but none had touched her heart like this one.

"Last week we spent time going over those really difficult parts of that night, but this week I thought maybe we could focus on how you've been coping and recovering," Olivia sat in a chair across from the small sofa, Lindsay, her client sat on.

"O-Okay…" she answered almost unsure of herself. Lindsay sat with one leg crossed over the other as she wrenched her hands in her lap. She was a small and timid one. Her dark hair was thin and just past her shoulders, and her blue eyes sunk into her slender face.

"Anytime you get uncomfortable though, you always let me know okay?" Olivia tried to reassure her that this was a safe space, and no one would be able to harm her anymore. "It's been a little over two months since the incident occurred…how well do you think you're doing?"

"Well I set a day to go back to work," was all she had said.

"That's amazing Anna! And how do you feel about that?" Olivia pushed.

"I don't want to go back but I know that- I know that," she paused as she stumbled on her words. Olivia sat and waited for her to finish. "I know that my daughter would want me to," she finally confesses.

It's amazing, Olivia thinks momentarily, how a mother's bond extends so far. Lindsay, much like her, loved her baby with her entire being without having even held her in her arms. But Lindsay's daughter would be the one thing that Olivia could use to keep her going.

"I'll be going back next Monday, and can't help the image that floods my mind of my coworkers looking at me with pity," and that statement alone hit Olivia right in the gut.

"I know how hard that must be for you," she slid the box of tissues that resided on the small coffee table between them.

"You have absolutely no idea the pain I'm going through," Lindsay said on the line of defense.

"I do Anna, I really do…" Olivia bit on her lower lip going back and forth with herself. From time to time it was necessary to get personal with a client. It broke a barrier and helped them open up more freely with her. However, this subject had still been so sore and she didn't know if she could trust herself to hold it together.

"I lost my baby too about a year ago. She was kicking and moving inside me one day, and gone the next. So yes I know exactly what you're feeling."

"You lost a baby too?"

"Yeah, I did," there's a silence that follows.

"How did you handle all the stares and pity thrown your way?" she cried lightly. "I want to be strong but that makes it so much harder."

"The problem was that I didn't handle it at all. Everyone's journey is different, they're hardly linear at all. I'm just now dealing with the aftermath of losing my baby. But it's my job and hearing stories of people like you who have survived so much, that keep me going and help me realize that I can get through this too," she held her hands over her heart and offered her a small smile. " _We_ can get through this, Lindsay."

As she pulled into the driveway, Olivia released a sigh of relief. She sat in the garage for a few minutes trying to gather herself. The conversation she had with Lindsay today had left her full of emotion. She just wanted to hug her babies and lay in bed with her husband more than anything. Yet, this cloud looming over her head was stopping her from walking in that house and pretending everything was okay.

Maybe this case was too much for her. Or maybe it was too soon for her to try and help someone so similar to her.

She held onto the steering wheel and grasped so tight her knuckles had turned white. All Olivia wanted to do was help others but she had began to realize how could she when she could hardly help herself? _Fuck._ She felt her cheeks begin to dampen and instead of trying to stop, she allowed herself to cry this time.

The sound of the door that led to the kitchen startled her as she began wiping her tears with the sleeve of the cardigan she wore. It was Elliot, who was walking to her car and tugging on the locked door. She scrambled to gather herself and clicked the button that allowed him access. He swung it open and leaned down to take a look at her inside.

"I heard the garage door open but hadn't heard you come inside yet," his grin had turned into a frown when he noticed she had been crying. "Liv, what's wrong?" he immediately kneeled down and looked up at her.

"Nothing. I'm just a little worn out from the day and needed a moment," she sniffled and continued to swipe the tears that were spilling down her face. Elliot stood and pulled her from the car and into his arms, wrapping himself completely around her. He understood that sometimes that was just it. A moment was needed from time to time and he had trusted her to come to him if it were anything serious.

"I'm okay, El," she said as her head rested on his chest. He hasn't responded but instead held her closer to him as he ran his hands along her backside. Olivia pulled her head from his chest and looked up at him through her reddened eyes. He brought his hands upwards and held the sides of her face before bringing her forehead to his lips.

"A forehead kiss? Really?" He laughs at her wittiness and moves in to capture her lips between his. She kisses him back and opens her mouth the slightest to skim his bottom lip with her tongue. She pulls back with the slightest smile on her face as she tugs on her bottom lip. "That's more like it," she pecks his lips before pulling from his hold on her and going to close the car door. She clicked the button on her keys to lock the car and grabbed his hand as he led her into the house.

She was happy to see the kids already eating at the large island of their kitchen, and rushed to kiss their sauce covered faces. "Enough mommy!" Cecilia protested but couldn't help the giggles that escaped her.

"I can't help it, you're just so sweet!" she kissed her one last time before giving her a break. "How was school today?" she made her way towards the oven where a plate for her was left.

" says I'm next to take the class pet home!" Cecilia squealed. Olivia's eyes grew wide at the thought. She remembers the teacher bringing up something about a class pet, but she could have sworn there was nothing about bringing it home.

"El, did you know about this?" she looked over at him as he stood on the other side of the counter.

"It's just a hamster honey, it'll be fine," he snickers a bit.

"Yes, it will be fine mommy!" Cecilia stared at her mother with her baby blues. Olivia hates how easily her heart gives in with just one look from her.

"Just promise not to lose the hamster, ok?" Olivia cups her chin and kisses the tip of her tiny nose.

"Promise! Right daddy?"

"You're absolutely right, kiddo."

Olivia sat in her small office going over the few notes she had on Lindsay. She learned it would only be a few more months until her trial against her abusive ex boyfriend began. Sessions between them would only be tougher as time went on, and Olivia was just hoping that she would be able to hold herself together. There was so much of herself that reflected back at her when she spoke to Lindsay, and at times it all became so much. It was like small flashbacks of her own struggles with loss.

She tapped her pen against her notebook with her head resting in the palm of her hand, utterly stumped on whether or not carrying on with Lindsay was such a great idea. Her reverie was interrupted by a small knock on the door. "Hey," she looked over her shoulder when she seen Elliot standing there shirtless in his plaid pajama pants.

"You coming to bed soon?" he leaned against the doorframe with his hands in pockets.

"Yeah, I was just going over my notes…" she turned around in her office chair.

"Lindsay?"

"Yeah…" answered almost as if she's embarrassed.

"Are you sure you're doing okay working on this case?" she closed her eyes for a brief moment and exhaled deeply. God, sometimes she just wished he couldn't read her so easily all the time.

"Honestly, I don't know. El, you know how difficult it was for me to even consider this case," she turned to close her book and clicked the table lamp.

"I can't tell you what to do, but I know that you'll make the decision that's best for you," she smiled slightly, just happy that he was letting her make her own decisions lately without weighing in his full opinion. "Just remember you can always talk to me," he moved towards where she sat and ran his hand through her tousled hair. She grabbed ahold of it with hers and brought the back of it to her lips. Olivia stood and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his bare chest. His arms enveloped her body, running his hands along her back side as his chin rested on her head.

This was what she had needed today. A sense of familiarity after having such a rollercoaster of a day. A feeling of being grounded in one spot after being pulled in so many different directions. Elliot was her home, the one who's simple touch brought her back to where she needed to be.

 **I can't believe I'm actually updating. For everyone viewing this..thanks for sticking with me. Can I please get a review from ya'll? xx**


	8. finding release

**Thursday, October 14**

The air is much more chilly as she steps out of the shower, realizing that autumn has officially set. She throws on her fluffy white robe and wraps her chestnut tresses in a towel. Her hands run down the front of her stomach that has grown from fairly flat to a small bump. She had definitely been showing a lot faster than in her previous pregnancies, but she was so content with seeing this new life make its appearance.

Olivia went on to towel dry her hair in front of the mirror before brushing her teeth and brushing out her waves. Elliot had appeared at the door dressed in his normal sweats and hoodie that he wore when dropping the kids off at school. His eyes scanned over her body, landing on her breasts that were plunging the neckline of her robe. Olivia, fresh out of the shower in the morning had been one of his favorite parts of the day; and even more now that her pregnancy was beginning to show.

"Mornin'," he stepped closer to her and leaned to give her a kiss to her lips. "Look at you!" he palmed her belly running his hand from one end to the other.

"Crazy huh?" she laughed a bit. "I'm only 13 weeks," she glowed just speaking about her pregnancy. A new confidence had taken over Olivia, and Elliot was enjoying every minute of it.

"You're beautiful," his arms wrapped around her from behind, resting at her hips as he placed a few kisses to her neck. "I just want to keep you all to myself this morning," he suckled that sweet spot behind her ear that drove her crazy.

" _Elliot_ ," she warned when she felt his hands moving towards the tie of her robe.

"You have 30 minutes until you need to leave and I only need ten of those," he pulled on the bow she had tied and her robe fell open exposing her naked form. He continued kissing along her neck as his hands traveled down her sides, one landing on her hip as the other made its way to her core. "You're wet for me already," he whispered in her ear as his hands slid through her slick folds. Her breathing became heavy as her heart rate picked up at the feel of him. She shrugged her shoulders and he helped to push her robe off her body until it pooled on the floor.

"Ten minutes," she growled at him and leaned her body on the ledge of the sink, extending her arms and laying her hands on the flat marble surface. She nudged her backside into him and moaned at the feel of his arousal. Her back arched when she felt his fingers continuing to tease her and skimming her entrance. His hand that rested on her hip pulled her flush against him until his erection was nestled against her ass. She groaned when she felt his fingers leave her and in protest rocked back into him.

His hand dragged his sweats down just far enough for him to release himself. He held his dick in his hand stroking it before lining himself up with her before burying himself completely within her. " _Yesss_ ," she seethed as she bit her lip and met him for every thrust. Both of his hands were on her hips digging into her flesh, slamming her into him. The sound of skin slapping against one another filled the room as the aroma of sex filtered into the air. She rested on her forearm as she brought her other hand to her hip to grab ahold of Elliot's. "Touch me," she purred and guided him to her clit in an effort to find her release.

She felt her skin erupt in flames as she felt the sweet sweet feel of him coming inside her, which caused the familiar heat to pull in her lower abdomen. She cursed him name as her release came at her in waves and was thankful he held her up as her legs began to feel like jello. Elliot leaned his body over hers and kissed her jawline. She turned the slightest to kiss him lovingly.

"I

After such an eventful morning, Olivia had made it to work just in time for her session with Lindsay with 15 minutes to spare. She was surprised once she got to her office and seen Casey sitting on the small leather sofa.

"Hey girl!" Casey stood the moment she seen Olivia walk in and embraced her friend.

"Case, I don't mean to sound like I don't want to see you but what are you doing here?" she kissed her cheek quickly and went to drop off her purse and coffee mug on her desk.

"I haven't seen you in awhile and just wanted to make sure everything was going okay with Lindsay. I was also hoping maybe we could grab some lunch later today?"

"I'm sorry, it's just been so busy with the new baby coming and the kids…" she collapsed into her office chair and placed a hand to her belly. "This little one is sucking the life out of me more and more each day," she exhaled deeply. Casey took a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. "As for Lindsay, it was hard at first but lately our sessions have been going extremely well. I'm helping her and somehow she's also been helping me."

"Do you think she's ready for court next week?"

"I really do think so, but I don't know if Lindsay believes that."

"She says you'll be there at least?" Olivia nodded. It brought back old memories of being back at the 1-6. Sometimes her promising to be there was the only way to get a survivor to even show up.

"Are you up for lunch around 11?" Olivia asks.

"That'll be perfect. I'll come back here to pick you up," she stood from where she sat.

"Thanks for coming by and just checking up on me," Olivia stood and came around her desk to hug Casey. Their friendship had grown and blossomed over the last few years, and if not anything else has taught her that there still are good people out there.

"You know I'm always here for you, and especially now that this little one is coming," Casey gently rubbed her tummy and was surprised when she felt how much bigger she had grown in the last few weeks. "Geez, I swear you just told me you were pregnant!"

"Trust me, I feel the exact same way-" she stopped mid sentence when she noticed Lindsay standing in the doorway staring right at her belly. Olivia hadn't exactly told her yet that she was pregnant, she just didn't know how. It's not as if she was terrified of her reaction, but Olivia knew they couldn't afford any setbacks. The announcement of her pregnancy when Lindsay was recovering from the loss of hers was a recipe for disaster.

"Lindsay, hi!" Olivia tried to not let the shock appear in her voice.

"I didn't know you were pregnant," Lindsay's eyes flew to her stomach.

"It's- kind of been under wraps for the last few weeks, but I guess the baby was tired of hiding out," she laughed trying to ease the awkward tension pulling in the room.

"I see," she gave Olivia a tight smile and went to take a seat on the sofa.

"Well, I'm gonna get going. I will see you later for our meeting Lindsay!" Casey kissed Olivia's cheek quickly and basically ran out of the door. She stood for a moment before grabbing her pen and notepad, and joining Lindsay.

"How're you doing Lindsay?" Olivia took a seat in the tan lounge chair.

"Do you want the short and sweet version, or the truth?"

"The truth would be nice.." she pushed.

"The past month has been _okay_ going back to work, but I can't help but still feel empty? I don't know if that's the right word for how I'm feeling but- I don't get how I'm supposed to try and live a normal life while this trial is about to happen," she lets loose a deep breath and sinks back in her chair.

"I understand how hard it can be trying to 'move on' in a sense, but I believe in you Lindsay. You've been going to work everyday, showing up to all of our appointments. I know it's becoming routine, but I promise this is all apart of the journey."

"That's easy for you to say, I mean look at you," she gestured towards Olivia. "You're pregnant and all perfect with your kids and your husband," she crossed her arms and turned her head away from her.

"Lindsay-"

"Please don't say you _understand_ how I feel when you've been given a second chance, you're practically glowing as you say that," Olivia sat for a moment, almost unsure of what to say. She understood- god, she wishes she could just stop saying that word, but she did. Seeing friends expanding their families just so soon after you had lost a member of yours; trying to be happy for them even though you're awfully jealous in reality. You hate to think it let alone say it out loud, but you have a hate for them as well. Not as literal as the word may mean, but you do.

"The thing is though I'm not, Lindsay," she paused a beat. "Nothing about my life is perfect. I am incredibly lucky to be having this baby, but don't let that distract you from the fact that I've been down this very same path as you. It hurts like hell everyday thinking about my baby, about Ava, but I promise you it gets better."

Olivia wanted to cry. This isn't the turn they were supposed to take in their session today. They'd come so far over the last month, and the last thing she wanted was to cause a setback.

"I don't think I can do this today, not if you're going to be reading off of some 'feel better' script," Lindsay stood and threw her purse over her shoulder.

"Lindsay, I can assure you that I'm being completely transparent with you and I have been since the beginning," Olivia stood up as well, making herself eye level with her.

"I just-I have to go."

"Lindsay, wait!" before Olivia could even attempt to stop her she was out the door.

"Fuck!" Olivia raised her voice. She went over to her window with her arms crossed- defeated.

 _What the hell just happened?_

"And just like that she walked out?" Casey sat across from Olivia in the booth they shared. She had caught her up to everything that had happened today during her and Lindsay's session. Olivia had called her a few times and even texted her to make sure everything was okay; but got no answer.

"I just want to help her Casey," Olivia's voice broke unexpectedly. Why was she god goddamn emotional about this? She had been so against this in the beginning and all of a sudden she found herself so fully committed.

"Oh, Liv," she reached out and grabbed her hand that rested on the table. "You know this is all apart of the process. No one's journey is linear. She will come around, I'm sure it was just a lot seeing you getting a chance at something she wants so bad," Olivia knew she was right.

"Don't stress yourself out. She's meeting with us later today, I'll have a talk with her," Casey tried offering her reassurance.

"Please," she stated simply.

"I promise," Casey gave her hand a squeeze and returned to nursing her cup of coffee.

After getting the kids to bed and the house mildly cleaned up, Olivia had finally found herself in bed after such a draining day. Elliot had gone to Jersey for the day to deal with a few work duties, and should be home any minute. She sat in bed with her back against the headboard going through a few emails, attempting to get her mind off of what had happened today. Casey didn't get a chance to get back with her today and she hadn't heard a word from Lindsay either. She sat her phone back on the nightstand and switched off her table lamp, deciding that forcing herself to sleep would be more effective.

A wave of relief flooded her when she heard the rumble of the garage opening, which meant Elliot was home. Only a few minutes had passed until she heard his footsteps coming down the hallway. She wasn't surprised when she heard him detour to each of the kids rooms to kiss them goodnight. He did it every time he'd gotten home past bedtime.

Olivia let out an internal sigh of relief when she felt his lips connect to her temple as she laid on her side. "Mm," she smiled and turned her head to steal a kiss from his lips. "I'm so glad you're home," she caressed the side of his face and smiled small, just overall happy to see him after what felt like the longest day. "How was work?"

"Well," he moved to take a seat at the side of the bed, turning his body towards her. "It looks like they need me in Chicago for a bit," she sat up immediately once _Chicago_ fell from his lips.

"Chicago?"

"They're really short staffed up there, and are offering me a lot of money to do this for a few weeks," he grabbed ahold of her hand hoping to ease the burn of the bad news. "It'll only be for a few weeks and I'll be back just in time for your next appointment with the OB."

"Well this sucks," she let out a half laugh.

"Yeah, it does," he let out a chuckle. "You know the girls will help you with the kids, and I will have my phone on me at all times for you to reach me," he tugged on her upper leg to pull her closer to him.

"When are you scheduled to leave?" it's a question she's not sure she really wants to know the answer to.

"I have to board a plane Monday morning."

"So we only have the weekend together?" she sighs and tries to keep her tears forming at bay. Olivia knew she had been so lucky to get these last two weeks of him at home, but she felt like she needed him more than ever right now.

"I know it's so short notice, but let's try and make the best of it," he pulled the rest of her body towards him until her thighs straddled either side of his. His hands roamed to her lower back, gripping her ass until it filled the palms of his hands. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his face close to hers until the tips of their noses touched.

"Starting now," her lips connected with his in a fiery kiss that sent a wave of heat straight to her lower belly. His tongue slid across her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to the sweet taste of her husband. "Mm," she moaned at the feel of him and began reaching down towards the hem of his shirt. He helped her pull it off, only breaking their kiss for a second before capturing her lips all over again.

The heat of her core and his growing arousal had only been separated by the thin lace of her panties, and his jeans. Almost as if he could read her mind his hips had bucked into her, she cried at the feel of him. It was nirvana each and every time she felt him on her skin, kissing and touching in all the right places. "Please," she breathed out as she began working the buckle of his belt and tugging on his button that kept his desire for her trapped. He reached with one hand while keeping the other still on her to help her pull his jeans along with his briefs, just far enough down his thighs to release his erection.

She reached wrapping her hand around his thick shaft, stroking it from top to bottom and hearing him cursing in ecstasy in return. She lifted herself on her knees until her core hovered over him, moving the lace of her panties aside, only lowering herself just enough to feel the tip of him penetrating her. " _Ah_ ," she moaned at the feel of her body stretching for him, wanting more than anything for him to fill her completely. Yet, she wanted to savor this moment and the next 72 hours she had left with him.

Her arms wrapped around his neck and brought him close until their foreheads touched. She closed her eyes as she felt him bringing her hips towards him, feeling every inch of him grant her the release she needed. She felt the beads of sweats pooling on his forehead, a sign that he was restraining himself and making this moment last just as much as she was. Olivia made the first move, lifting herself and crying at the feel of him sliding out of her. He gripped her hips tightly as she moved her hips back down, covering his dick in her juices. She was so wet for him and he couldn't wait to make her come. She rode him with her breasts pressed against his bare chest, her hips moving with force and him matching her with every thrust.

She yelped at the unexpected change when he circled her hips with his arm and flipped her beneath him on the bed. He stood at the end of the bed and nestled himself between her thighs, careful of her bump, and continued fucking into her. He intertwined his hands with hers and brought them above her head, kissing and suckling her neck as he did so. "God, _yesss,_ " she purred once she felt him move deeply into her. She hooked her leg around his hip, digging her heel into him.

"Come for me," he breathed into her ear as he circled the shell of it with his tongue and sending a shiver down her spine. He freed one of her hands and ran his up her abdomen and up to her pert nipple, giving it the lightest squeeze, already knowing how sensitive it was.

" _Uhh,_ " she moaned, raking her hand through his cropped hair. He suckled his way from her neck to her supple lips in an attempt to stifle her moans. Olivia cursed his name and began gripping him like a vice as her body orgasmed around him. Her face becomes flushed and her cheeks reddened as she spiraled into an earth shattering release. Elliot soon followed behind her, spilling himself into her velvet walls, continuing to pump into her.

He collapsed on top of her, trying his best to balance his weight on his forearms. Both of her legs wrapped around him and pulled his hips close to her. Her arms wrapped around him as she buried her face into his neck, still breathing heavily. "I love you," she cried. "God, I love you so fucking much," she choked on her words causing him to look immediately up at her, thrown off by the change in tone.

"What's wrong baby?" he brushed her dampened hair away from her face with his fingers.

"I had a god awful day. Lindsay walked out of our session and I just feel like I'm spiraling, but then I come home to you and the kids and you all make everything so much better. And now I just don't know if anything I'm doing is right," tears streamed down her blushed cheeks. "You make everything better and easier, and god just… you help me forget what a shitty day I had and sometimes it's still hard to believe I deserve any bit of you," she unloaded her thoughts and threw them all on the table.

"Olivia…" he moved from between her thighs, causing her to wince as he pulled out of her. "Sorry baby," he pulled her over to him as he moved to sit against the headboard, and tugged her to his lap. Her head rested on his chest and he pulled the comforter over them. "I can't believe as soon as I got home I hit you with the news about me leaving and then just stuck my dick in you, without even asking how you were."

"God Elliot, do you have to speak so vile about sex?" she looked up at him through her blurry vision, knitting her eyebrows together. "I am going through a lot right now it feels like, but how were you supposed to know?" she sniffled and used the sleeve of her oversized tee slept in to wipe her nose. "And plus, this is _exactly_ what I needed- an opportunity to release this stress I've been feeling," Olivia managed to smile and kissed his jawline.

"Why did Lindsay walk out?"

"She found out I was pregnant and said that I have no idea what she's going through; that I was rubbing my 'perfect' life in her face. I know she doesn't mean that and that this is all apart of the process but-" she struggled.

"But sometimes you can't help but take it to heart," Elliot added.

"All I wanted to do was help but instead it feels like I'm doing more damage," she sighed.

"Olivia, you've changed that woman's life so much already. I mean look at her, she's back to work and focusing on healing. That's incredible," she reached to cup the side of his face and grinned, pulling his lips to hers.

"Like I said- I definitely don't deserve you," she pulled away.

"Don't say that…" his hand ran along her back. "You deserve everything good in this world- including me," he cracked a joke hoping to ease the heaviness of what had just happened. She chuckled at his wittiness.

"Can we just continue to make the best of this weekend and I'll deal all of that no so good stuff Monday?" she moved to straddle him once more. "Meet me in the shower?" she cooed. Olivia moved her leg and inched towards the floor without waiting for an answer, and instead headed for the bathroom suit across the room.

Only seconds passed before she heard his footsteps close behind her, and giggled when he came up behind her and lifted her around his waist before setting her on the counter. "Don't think I can go two weeks without this," he rasped as his hands rested on her silken thighs.

"Me either."

 **Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.**


End file.
